Thoughtful Thursday – The Acorn

acorn
photo from Pixabay

Consider the acorn, humble harbinger of Fall. What is an acorn, really? Well, in a nutshell, it’s an oaktree. Hardeharharhar. In a nutshell … tehehehe. Anyway that’s what this post is about, the past three weeks of my life, in a nutshell.

As some of you know Superhubs and I are a Spoonie couple. We both have autoimmune diseases that require constant management. Superhubs has MS (with spinal cord lesions) and type 2 diabetes, I have a weird little buggaboo known as sarcoidosis. We’re the most symbiotic people I know, we’re better together than the sum of the two of us and yes he is the love and the light of my life.

A few weeks ago a routine MRI of the head showed the formation of an AVM (that’s arteriovenus malformation if you care) caused by a fistula. Not to get too medical on you but an AVF (arteriovenus fistula) is caused by an artery (or more) dumping directly into a vein without the benefit of the network of capillaries normally present. It creates a “bulge” in the vein. Bottom line, too much pressure on the vein and it blows out. Yeah, this is serious stuff the only thing to do is go in an resect the arteries to relieve the pressure on the vein. Yeah … brain surgery.

So here I am, 2 brain surgeries, 2 strokes, 9 day in Surgical Intensive Care Units, 9 days of in-patient rehab, several seizures, 911 calls and 3 MORE days in general Intensive Care Unit later. The strokes were minimal but have left him unable to move his right foot and ankle. Serious but overcomable. Somehow, his nicely controlled type 2 diabetes has become insulin dependent. In other words along with all the physical therapy (we’re still on twice a week plus home exercise) we have six blood tests and insulin injections per day, along with food logs and weight monitoring (he’s lost too much weight) a tightly controlled carb counting diet and many many many sleepless nights.

Things are looking up, we’ll get through this just like we have everything else, together. I just wanted to thank all of you for your kind thoughts and support.  This is from a plaque my Mother sent me when I was first diagnosed.

“When things go wrong, as they sometimes will
when the road you’re trudging seems up hill,
when life is crushing you down a bit
rest if you must, but don’t you quit

Success is failure turned inside out
the silver lining in the clouds of doubt
you never know how close you are
it may be near when it seems too far

so stick to the fight
when you’re hardest hit
it’s when things go wrong
that you mustn’t quit” ~Unknown

 

Til next time ~Peace ~JPP

Fear

the-witch-RondellMelling on pixabay

As some of you know I will be spending the next few days at our local hospital, making sure my precious hubby recovers from surgery. The Critical Care Unit (formerly known as ICU) is a grand place for contemplative personal reflection but a lousy place for blogging, so here for you is a poem I wrote last night, no links, no challenges, just a plain, simple bit of from-the-heart poetry.  Thanks so much for taking a moment to read it.

Fear

He grabs me in a choke hold
my chests constricts
and burns
until I feel my heart
exploding with FEAR

My throat clenches tighter
until I cannot breathe
tears flow
as I struggle in the deadly grip
of FEAR

My face contorts in agony
pain so deep is sears
my very soul
bandages frame a precious face
as I defy FEAR

Sound breaks free in a scream
that tears the throat
a single thought takes form
a cry that shakes the stars
“don’t leave me alone”

Til next time ~Peace ~JPP

Spoonie Sunday – The Most Important 15 Minutes of the Day

pouring tea - pixabay
photo credit Pixabay

“I watch his hands
as he pours the tea
big hands, strong hands
hands that belie
the gentleness of their touch” ~JP Pearlman 2015

Have you ever considered the human touch? We all enjoy the hug of a loved one, holding a child or parent’s hand. It’s those tiny moments of physical intimacy, of touching, that remind us we are not alone in this big bad world that we are connected on a physical level. Continue reading “Spoonie Sunday – The Most Important 15 Minutes of the Day”

Bleeding Hearts and Brain Surgery – FOTD

6.27.19 bleeding hearts

Through it all, late, late snow, floods, and everything else this little Bleeding Heart survives. What testimony to the power and beauty of nature. I need this reminder today of resilience in the face of overwhelming odds. Spent yesterday meeting with the vascular neurosurgeon. Those are just not words you ever want to say together … Everything will be OK, but we’ve got some work ahead of us to repair the damaged blood vessels in Superhub’s brain. Life my dears is seldom easy, but it’s always oh so precious.

For Cee’s Flower of the Day challenge

Til next time ~Peace ~JPP

Spoonie Sunday – Rage at the Dying of the Light

broken cup

A couple of weeks ago, Chris asked another of those “life tool box” questions. Which, of course, got me to thinking. Do go over and have a read here.

Who is that person who has taught me to see things in exquisite detail, to dream, to plan, and more than anything else, to be OK with who I am right now? For this ever so fortunate spoonie, that is my partner, my best friend, my fellow spoonie, Superhubs. He challenges me, reminds that we can not “let the bastard win” (the bastard being the disease). And sometimes, he let’s me rage, let’s me cry and reminds me that those feelings are OK too. Continue reading “Spoonie Sunday – Rage at the Dying of the Light”