Fibbing Friday – Floods, Rebellion, and Scandal – OH MY!

Di is hosting Fibbing Friday this week with questions provided by Jim Adams. The rules are simple, answer the questions with fibs. Hmmm, I am a truly and uniquely lousy fibber but since you can’t actually see my face, let’s take a bash.

1. Why did all the dinosaurs die?
Heat stroke.
2. Why are there so many stories about the great flood?
Because if flooded the Grand Canyon.
3. What happened at Hadrian’s wall?
Joshua fought the battle and wall came tumbling down.
4. How long was the hundred years war?
It only lasts one day but occurs once every hundred years.
5. Why was it all quiet on the western front?
All cell phones simultaneously lost connection with their music apps.
6. What was the Boxer Rebellion all about?
Whether a “wild haymaker” was a legitimate pugilistic move
or just some froo-froo bar drink.
7. What caused the Titanic to sink?
Bizarre encounter with a mosasaurus.
8. Why do they want us to remember the Main?
Well why would you want to remember the Lesser? Duh
9. What happened to Amelia Earhart?
She got married and became Amelia Heirhead.

Til next time ~Never fib to your Nana, trust me she already knows ~JP

A bit of Silliness

Couldn’t resist this bit of fun from Di at pensitivity101. C’mon and join in.

How would you describe your partner as:

1.A flower — a hibiscus because he’s beautiful, healthy (makes a wonderful tea) and comfortable
2. A vegetable — sweet potato – healthy and kind of sweet
3. An animal — a TRex, I call him Rexy
4. A fruit — Apple because he’s sturdy, reliable, good for me and yeah, sweet
5. A car — a Merkur – he’s sleek, handles well, easy to drive and well kind of obsolete
6. A drink — green tea, warm, healthy and perfect
7. A colour — tan he subscribes to the Einstein theory of wardrobing … if everything is tan you never have to think about what to wear
8. A fragrance — warm red brick, river water, and cinnamon
9. A dessert — brownie because he’s like the ultimate comfort food
10. A language — Russian, because he’s hard to read and sexy as heck

Til next time ~stay safe y’all ~JP

Friday Funnies – Bluegrass Vernacular

It’s funny in a way, but my accent seems to have returned with a vengence. It’s more “drawly” than it was when I lived here for 25 years. Probably because I’m much farther south. My speech is rapidly deteriorating into a kind of “valley surfer drawl.” I use “y’all,” “Duuuude” and “totaly” with equal frequency. It’s weird, I hear these phrases coming out of my mouth and my brain is like “where did THAT come from.” Ah, but I digress. Here are a few “totally Kentucky” phrases I have noticed creeping into my vernacular and their translations.

“Y’all” is singular. “All Y’all” is plural. “All y’all’s” is plural possessive.

“Bless your Heart” is a nice way of saying you’re an idiot

“Dirty Bird” is KFC

“Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit” – translation “holy cr*p”

“Fair to middlin'” means doing OK

“slicker’n snot on a doorknob” – really slippery and … ewwwwwww

“I reckon'” – I think

“Fixin to” – getting ready to do something, does not mean something’s broken.

“Have a gooden” – have a good day

“T’other day” – can mean any time in the past several months

We had record breaking snowfall yesterday with 9-10 inches of the white stuff. I’m off to watch the ducks in the ice-free parts of our lake.

Til next time ~Y’all have a gooden ~JP

Tuesday Poetics A question of Color

For Tuesday’s Poetics where Mish is hosting, asks us. “Writing from a perspective other than our own is a great challenge. We’ve had some very interesting prompts over the years where we have climbed out of our comfort zones to look through a new lens. That has usually involved looking through the eyes of another person. I’d like to float a little further into the unknown and suggest we take the perspective of a color. (or “colour’ as we spell it in Canada)”

Amber Hues

Cattle in stark relief exposed
black silhouettes juxtaposed
against my gentle winter hue
would you notice if I were blue
perhaps shade of summer green
but all unnoticed I remain unseen

Wait for the waxing pink moon
as amber buds begin to bloom
I am not some lifeless tone
but fragile glass and precious stone,
like the shine in lovers’ eyes
I am fading sunset’s golden prize

Til next time ~stay wild moon child ~JP

Spoonie Retirement — Life, Love, and Dyshidrotic Eczema in the time of Covid

One of the things I’ve learned about autoimmune diseases (yes plural) is that the dad-blasted things are nothing if not unpredictible. As a lot of you know, Superhubs and I have multiple autoimmune diseases … each. Mostly, I talk (or rant as the case may be) about MS, Diabetes, and Sarcoidosis as those are the “big three” around here. They are like the founding fathers of autoimmune disease they are the Godfathers from which all the minor ailments seem to stem. This week, it’s dyshidrotic eczema. Big words that mean a multi-stage skin affliction that includes liquid filled blisters, hard bumps, cracking skin … yadayadaya. I’ve had it before and it’s a bloody (literally) nuisance, usually flared up by stress. My last go was a couple of years ago when I got it on the tops of my toes. Sore toes, summer, flip flops, life goes on. THIS year (thank you pandemic panic disorder) I’ve got the *&^$%#*& stuff on the BOTTOM of my toes. Here’s the scene.

My Immune System: “Something’s wrong, I can feel tingling in my toes.”

Me: “This is no big deal, a bit of dermatitis, it’ll go away, just stay calm.”

My Immune System: “No, something is definitely wrong, I need to do something.”

Me: “We went to the doctor, it’s OK.”

My Immune System: “No, it’s all wrong! I’m gonna SCRATCH it and see if that helps.”

Me: “Back away from those toes Missy, or so help me, I’ll put gloves on you again.”

My Immune System going into total hysteria: “NO NO NO I have to DO something, I’ve got to destroy this, whatever it is. I’m gonna kill it … with FIRE!”

Me: gritting my teeth and grabbing the prescription steroid cream while my immune system takes a blow torch to my toes, “D***!”

Yeah, that’s pretty much the nightly scene here at Chez Spoons this week.

Needless to say, this is one of those times when a stocked pantry is a lifesaver. Dinner is already decided, all the ingredients are in-house and shortly we’ll be enjoying a quick chicken stirfry featuring canned chicken breast, freeze-dried maitake mushrooms and frozen stir fry vegetables. Voila! The less time spent on my feet right now, the better.

What I’m watching:

Til next time ~Peace ~JP

Happy Thanksgiving – How to Stuff a Turkey

How to stuff a turkey

The plan:
Melt a stick of organic unsalted butter in a small saucepan with the juice and zest of one lemon and one tablespoon of fresh thyme leaves from the garden. Take the giblets out of the turkey and wash the turkey inside and out. Remove any excess fat and leftover pinfeathers and pat the outside dry. Place the turkey in a large roasting pan. Liberally salt and pepper the inside of the turkey cavity. Stuff the cavity with a bunch of thyme, halved lemon, quartered onion, and cloves of garlic. Brush the outside of the turkey with the butter mixture massaging gently and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Tie the legs together with string and tuck the wing tips under the body of the turkey. Pour a cup of hot spiced wine and relax while turkey cooks.

Execution:
Grab turkey giblets bag and yank out of turkey along with a liter of frozen turkey blood & guts. Swear profusely when the giblets bag hits the floor with a splat and breaks open. Gulp hot wine, burning tongue in process swear profusely. Shove gibletless turkey into sink and grab a roll of paper towels and bottle of spray cleaner. Grab a bottle of chilled wine, pour a glass to fortify your constitution and cool your burned tongue. Squirt leftover lime juice from margarita night into turkey butt and toss in a handful of italian seasoning. Glass another pour of wine. Rub a stick of margarine over turkey, sprinkle liberally with every dried spice you have, shove rest of the butter up the turkey butt. Giggle inanely about “turkey butt.” Another wine of glass get. Ponder meat thermometer and whether or not to shove it up turkey butt. Wrink some dine. Put turkey in oven. Boddle empty, grab another. Remember to turn on oven. Roast self with another winey. Turk the bastey, wine the drink. Cook for 4 hours, remove the oven from the turkey. Fick up the purkey off the tloor, invent new curse words. Grab another wottle of bine, pour a glass of turkey. Turk the carvey thing, set the table. Look around in state of confusion when no one arrives at the appointed dinner hour. Pour cup of hot wine, add ice. Ponder the meaning of “daylight savings time.” Look at phone buzzing in hand, text message “want pizza for dinner? Wednesday night special?” Drop phone.

Til next time ~Happy Thanksgiving ~JP

One Liner Wednesday – No Coincidence

“Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence.” ~ Erma Bombeck

Til next time ~Peace ~JP

2020 picoftheweek #14 — Treetops

2020-pic of the week

For Maria Antonia’s #2020picoftheweek — my prompt: Treetops

4.16.20 tree tops — About the photo — looking up through fall leaves at Shugakuin Imperial Villa in Kyoto, Japan

Looking Up

Looking up I see the sky
shining bright before my eyes
looking down, I seen green grass
don’t see the ice, fall on my ass
I see treetops filtering the sun
don’t even care about my aching bum

Shoe Event Horizon – Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

Til next time ~Keep Looking Up! ~JPP

What Day Is It Anyway? — Coping with Covid

3.25.20 bill the cat — Image found on Pinterest

For Linda’s What day is it anyway, a little something I got from my sister this morning. 😉

Happy Easter Monday! See, I do know what day it is! I wanted to share with you something I saw recently. A Dr. on TV was saying that during this time of pandemic, lockdowns, slowdowns, and quarantines we should focus on ourselves and our inner peace.

He also said it was a good time to look around us and finish up some of those things we started but have left unfinished. So, I looked through my house to find some things I started and hadn’t finished.

I finished off a botter of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha wemander of a Valuminium scriptun, and a box of chocletz.

Yu haf no idr how feckin fablus I feel rite now! So I’m sneding this to all who ned inner piss, don’t foget to hash yer wands, has a stafe day avrybobby!