Darkness Lies Within

kira sun scribbles 2.17.19

Darkness Lies Within

I woke one day to screaming
and realized it was my own
broken dishes, shattered glass
I shivered all alone.
For the darkness had come again
broken free from his cage
wreaking havoc and despair
with violence and rage
Tears fell from my eyes
and landed on the floor
I shook my fist at heaven
and then I cried NO MORE!
I swept the bits and pieces
and patched up every wall
and then I went inside myself
and built a holding cell
Made up of logic and of reason
it would hold the darkness well

And there the darkness waits
unto this very day
he strains and fights but
reason keeps him bound away
Still he pours out his hatred
as he bleeds into my brain
like poison from an open wound
hurtful and insane
he tries to break out
of his prison
and steal my life away
But I bring out hope and reason
and beat the darkness
back into the cage

The darkness lies within me
locked outside my heart
always there, a part of me
and yet always apart.

I don’t talk about mental illness much. It just seems too much to say, “yeah I have this weird autoimmune disease AND, oh yeah, I have mental illness too. But I do, I suffer from PTSD and MDD (Major Depressive Disorder). They are for the most part both very well controlled at this point in my life. This poem is about the time I learned that hyperdrama and rage are really depression turned on it’s side. I learned to confront that darkness and to lock it away. The darkness is always there, but I no longer let it control me. Many, many thanks to Kira from Kira’s Sunday Scribbles for this moving work of art, it helped me put into words something I’ve needed to say but just didn’t know how.

Til next time ~Peace ~JPP

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