Welcome to Wacky Wednesday wherein I attempt to related some of the weird workings of my mind.
I have a confessions to make. I have spent a good portion of my life in the company of men. I have a father, 2 brothers, 1 son, 1 step-son, 5 grandsons, and 2 great grandsons. Yes there are also a few girls scattered in there but that’s for another post. What follows are just a few of the things I’ve learned through the years of my accquaintance with “boys.”
- Boys will laugh at anything that involves genitalia
1a) Auto translate is not to be trusted.
Case in point, I once worked in a box design factory and our department was working on a box for a small chain saw. The original text read “do not attempt to stop with hands or precious body parts.” The auto translate turned it into “do not try to stop with hands or genitalia.” Yep, it went to press that way. No, we never recalled a single product or box. While I feared for my job, the boys just laughed and sure enough when the CEO came in to “drop the hammer” on us, he got to laughing and that was that. Yeah, guys will laugh at anything. 😉
- A four year old boy can, in fact, flush an entire winter coat down a single toilet.
2a) There is no known way to keep said coat flushed, it will find it’s way back up bringing with it all manner of foul toiletyness, and enough water to completely cover a small bathroom in about 4 inches of filthy water. Owing in part to the devious nature of said 4 year old boy who stuffed a towel under the door to keep his “pool” from spilling out of the bathroom.
2b) Aforementioned towels are not a sufficient barracade to stop a 150 lb. terrified Mom from bursting through the bathroom door, ruining her Italian pumps and finding her four year old wearing nothing but a soaked, sewer smelling jacket, playing with his motorboat and yelling “You SPILLED MY POOL.”
2c) The thirty minutes of peace afforded by said potty fiasco was almost worth the clean up.
- A 30 year old man cannot get a charcoal grill burning with a lighter chimney, lighter fluid, matches, blow torch and curse words.
3a) A six year old boy can start a small bonfire with nothing but two sticks.
3b) Said six year old can use a magnifying glass and a desk lamp to melt several large holds in the carpet.
3c) There is no way to remove the smell of melted carpet from your walls, even after you replace the carpet. You might just as well move.
- You cannot turn a Hotwheel car into a MicroMini by “shrinky dinkying” it in your mother’s oven.
4a) See 3c above, the smell of burnt plastic and paint will haunt your cooking for years.
- Be very, very careful what you say to a small boy. When you find him playing in the jar of dried beans take the beans and put them away. DO NOT say “stay out of those you could get one stuck in your nose.” Because if you do, you will find him the next day, blue in the face with beans shoved up his nose.
That’s all the warped weirdness that comes to my mind this Wednesday, so I’ll leave you with this thought “Be careful what you ask for. I asked the universe to give me patience, I got my son.” ~Peace ~JPP